"A LETTER TO GOD"

Its hazy, complex and frightful to even replicate my thoughts in words.A novice blend of haphazard reality and fantasy ransacks every nook of my head.Where am I heading,where is the life of mine leading me to.I've had my share of pain, shame and tears played my gamble as a princess on the throne .Nostalgia sweeps my blood red scar tissue, to all the infamy my young heart has faced,when my heart felt within as 1000 kgs heavy, crashing me down dead.Only the thought of you made me recover the trumatic-blast.You knew i'd err, you knew how i treasured my family,how insatietably i craved the best for us,wanting the best for my baby it may be abominal in your sight,but am i not your child.Did'nt the thought,i would be lost without my family even arise from the corner of your mind,you never attempted even a bit to save my family.I've done things you've detested,but as soon as the thought it would hurt you sprouted out,i've given it all up.I love you so much and have also understood the limits of our sacrifice to save my soul,but i give up to flesh and mundane pleasures at times.The reprimand that you have granted me is beyond my ability to cope.I've cried to you, to succumb me from me from this prevalent misery over years now,but no remedy has propped from your behalf.Though certainly i've reaped sucess in many other ventures in this span relatively,but concerning this one issue my pangs choke me bitterly.I dont know your plan in this matter,neither see any future of mine lurked behind the scenes,Its your hands that i look upon in this travailing situation.My only hope from where my help comes is you,aid me deliverance ,happiness and guidance at this state,coz i trust you and do things what you want.Please abide by me till end.

My lil' hero*

He is an ocean of energy,a bountiful mischief package,brimming with naughty acts ,oh! round the clock and always.Never low,not a minute without a twinkle in his eyes,constantly pondering what to do next.Those little chubby shiny cheeks,sparkling eyes and those tiny jabbering lips makes me fall in love with him over and over again.Quick to imbibe anything,repeat all the thrash uttered with a whimsy look turns me bonkers on him all the more.Those miniscule crease filled palms, which caresses me speaking those longed words, i love you forces out the momhood in me.A gush of affection overflows when,i see the most of my lost one in him.He runs mad to kiss me on my craving lips ,when I bid goodbye to work everyday.Enjoys the maddening fun, out with my friend like a peer,a doll who's suffering from surplus vigour.Cares to eye, every changed earring of mine and the dynamic shift in my boyish mane.Hates being forced to eat,drawn to food by its garnish,ignorant of its taste.The coolest friend and a liveliest creature alive.The most adorable selflish soul, detesting to share or being asked to share.Loves people around and loveable to turn people around. My greatest assert,power,pleasure and pain.My memory sails back into time when this angel made an advent into my life,the day i flew to the pinnacle of happiness,having this lil' soul my own.Not a dose of traquiliser could dwandle my mind to sleep,coz' my spirits leaped within, with a fountain of warmth; of you having safely landed.The day i held those fragile toes and kissed them with content, while we were a family then.Night after night, i dream of you blooming up as a man of substance, dignity, resource and charisma.You'd grow my liliput,grow strong in mind, unravelled by winds of change ,the heartless have brought in our lives and i'll be there ,always there for you as a best friend, sister .mom and dad.Void none betwixt us ,be it only god i'll spare.You have me and we have the Omnipotent, Love you always and ever my darling ,my world! ;Your the reason, iam alive today!

MY MAKER ,MY OWN

'Tis a sensational feel of being known well by one and chided when gone, just a step away from the tender eyes which keeps watch; all day long. I've not known of a greater affection than this, to be fond of someone, so unconditional despite my recurrent errs to detest me by my own. Right beside, in all my pains,tears,loneliness,confusions and laughter, he stands; though my travail seems so large to endure ;his closeness sparingly felt.My complexities,too blizzare to unwrap,uncomprehended by even myself,he took the care to understand,the mixtures which were hated by all.How absurd to be keen of someone given to change as me?,How unrealistic to lay his life expecting nothing in turn.I go movingly elegy,when the thought of his love captures my senses,but sooner or later ;yeild to the beckoning hues of carnal bliss, which rises spirits to levels.I've cherished it all,tasted the mirth behind them all,loved the aroma of its alluring high,but bottoms up ascertained one fact; its momentary,time-bound and fading.The minute it ends,the reality begins; wounds so sore choke up my breath,dwindling my courage to pursue.Oh my gosh! without him...can't go on ,iam faint within and oh how?.On the contrary with him the focus is him,no thrills; but assured no chills either.Life through ebb and rise remains calm, the only certainity in the uncertain world ,he loves you despite anything.He is there for you, be it nothing or everything, the mundane search can aid you, all you longed, but in serenity make you loose everything you possess.Hauling away from the maker positions me vulnerable to encounter the bitterness of reality alone,since today's reality holds nothing but adversity and bitterness to truth.Life amidst loss and gain ,sun and rain is faced by all but, life to have someone your own in all your pain; is only with your maker!

when love meets hate!

An absolute eclipse of a mélange of feelings busted my heart into pieces, when he declared all was over. Poignant memories surrounded everything I gazed into, broken by the awe of the herald; my senses stood mime for long. All I could do was, to wipe away my pain with tears which rolled endlessly down my cheek .My mind pondered for days, what went stale? , is it all real or am I just dreaming. Nostalgia and grief captivated my hemispheres to neither rationalize nor decide, on any productive measures.
It was a union which I craved to last forever; it was a collection of bliss which I never intended to part with. In a flip, it was all gone, dead never to be revived. Can I bring it to life? Can I do something to help? Will it fructify? Were all questions, which soared up in my yearning heart? .Then I acquired all the hidden guts from within to make my nascent move to know the truth.
Painful and rather detesting truths were unveiled, which demanded all the more courage to face. Septic conflicts boiled in me to call it off or keep it going, as the line between love and hate is thin, I had no choice of salvage. The travail was no less, a hell to play with. If it was infidelity, I’d understand he’s just a man, if it was a torn heart, I’ll try my best to mend, but this is was titan than these .A complete breakdown of trust can I say!!,sounds too mushy does it?.............
Now, the moment has come to confront, it quickened all my latent bitterness. With a one year-old babe clenching my fist, calling out mom hatred could do nothing much. Motherhood beckoned me louder than the ruthless lover; its cries defined my existence better than ever. I strengthened myself and began my fresh start with all the confidence. The span has taught me, that this love could be so unconditional, pure and un-ravished.
All it took to surpass such an ordeal was, to remain calm and have a closer introspection of my priorities, to renew my avid ears to the reality “nothing last forever”. The scrutiny threw oblivion to the overwhelming fact, “none is so indispensable, without which I can’t go on”. This circumstance of uncertainty made me stronger to shriek out the mendacious feebleness, which lay has a cloak. It was intensely traumatic to resolve, but an exile which cracked my nutshell.