Living with a Liar!

After 10 years,  he wrote to her, it read I need to share a truth. She pondered whether to respond or to give an excuse that she had never seen his mail. Having known the reason for his mail already, she replied out of curiosity, just to figure whether something new was coming from him. Her mail back to him read, yes would be keen to know the truth, but your mail wasn't a surprise, it was awaited.

He replied saying, he wanted to meet her and she said let's talk over the phone. The date was fixed and he called her. The conversation began, he told her, he was married and had a baby girl named Rachael, her rude voice said, I know it. She asked him what was the truth, her husband disclosed the bitter truth, he had never loved her. The strong girl asked, in her faint voice then why did you lie to me....he had no answer. He had lied about his faith, educational proficiency and most of all about his feelings for her. All he wanted to prove to his parents and relatives was he could fetch a potential and qualified suitor for himself despite his incompetence.

After their wedlock, he struggled to be what he wasn't, but failed miserably to keep up with the lie. To prove his educational ken he couldn't spell the difference between "piece n peace", to prove his faith, the sound of God's word only rocked him to sleep, every Sunday. There was no tolerance in his  claim of love, neither a bit of care for her "Single child syndrome". He hated her more every day and the sight of her was a stress since he had to toil to outsmart his lies to her, everytime.  He struggled to sustain the marriage and the only thing that bound them was sex and his incapability of financial  dominance.

She was disturbed by his inability to support their marriage financially as he had promised, thus he had to put up with her  additional tantrums of frustrations too. When the girl got pregnant, his chance for sexual pleasures faded, he started seeking love out of marriage. Even after  the first trimester,  the girl apprehended the idea of intercourse during pregnancy, which slowly weakened his marital bond towards her.

His new found job in Dubai offered him all the money he wanted to lure new women. He also wanted to prove to her that he was capable, efficient and prudent enough of what he claimed, so he made her come to Dubai with their newborn child. He had no physical attraction towards her postnatal body, which was striving hard to recover from its postpartum trauma. To sum up, he cared a shit about her emotions, health or motherhood.

Soon after she and their baby boy landed in Dubai, he had to share the load,  of new parenthood, while his motives were just to prove his point and enjoy the monetary benefits his new found job, with other chicks at Dubai. He hated the idea of bringing her to Dubai and spent the sleepless nights of baby sitting as hell. 

Now he had the money and abundant ways to  enjoy the whoredom in Dubai, but no freedom because of her presence there. He made numerous friends in Dubai, who believed his fake identity as truth. He spoilt her name with his friends and took every minor tiff between them as massive catastrophes to his office door and called over his friends to resolve it for him,  to gain their sympathy over his sinking marriage and so-made-stinker wife. They too , believed his tale of bubbles as truth and began to detest her. In the web of lies, they were also innocent victims who played powerful characters for the marriage to rift apart. 

His parents and sister were powerful catalysts,  to fuel the lies of "the heartless liar". He planned to leave her back with her baby in India and grab his freedom, without her consent. After their visit to India, he never intended to take her back.  She went back in person and begged him without the complete comprehension of  his plan, in a useless attempt.

Unknowing what was happening the poor girl cried, knocked every door, even God remained calm. God stayed glum, cause He knew the complete picture well. Her final attempt was to drag it to the court for justice, with a translucent insight about the entire happening. She thought,  breaking a family was not God's plan, she held to it tight. She did her best to save the marriage and he made the best of the freedom, drank the pleasures of every opportunity.

The more she resisted the gap widened and she went on her knees to him, his cold heart enjoyed it all the more. The child of theirs was a distant memory to him. Finally, to get rid of her, he filed a divorce, to continue his life with any other woman, who will fall for his lies again. The begging girl lost her cool and blew his job in Dubai, thinking, at least, financial dearth would bring him back to her. She prayed, so did her parents and their little son went to God in tears for his father, but God knew his father's stone heart was not worth his work. All we could see was the man's pleasant countenance,  his deceptive words and the reproach of a broken marriage, but God unearths every wicked heart. 

He came to India in rage and married another poor victim, who believed his lying trail, but God never wrestled with him this time, to stop, that was the beauty. He begot a baby girl as an illegitimate child through this new victim. It was 8 years now and his wife exhumed the truth about his new marriage. Fear fell on the man on legal grounds, he had a divorce case pending and there he was with a new illegitimate wife and child. 

Thus, he wrote to her............wanting to disclose the truth. Again with the intent, to get rid of her. By now, the girl knew it all, but this time she never wanted him. Since, she also understood God was chasing him hard for vengeance, any penance she could repay for his treason would be too small. She looked for all measures, to get him to support their son monetary-wise and the moment she got that from him, she winded their saga together. She never wanted even his shadows to fall on her, her baby nor her family. She enjoyed and felt God's deliverance to the fullest when her marriage broke. She is a free individual now, well acquainted with the only truth-Christ, in this world of lies.


God has indeed rolled  away her reproach, now it's God's turn to take on for the fatherless and the outcast.God has proved his faithfulness to deliver the poor from the hands of the treacherous and ungodly pagan family, despite their naiveness to deceitful schemes.

GOD LEADS- OH REALLY!

Fear,a four letter killer!

It sources out in the higher centers , as a roaring wave rising above the cloud , emerging out of a violent ocean. But seeps within as drizzles of water and drowns you into the eye of the storm. Every phobia is irrational, but fear does have its own reasons to creep in.It lurks and looks out for a soul to dwell, to haunt , to possess and thereby kill."For thou has not given me the spirit of fear, but of love, power and a sound mind", is a familiar quote from the bible which states fear as a spirit.The spirit that literally deters you from clarity of mind and weakens your inner man. Every soul born is prone to fear,the ultimate of the biblical heroes have professed its possession in more subtle ways. The psalmist says, as i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i will fear no evil,this popular line portrays the fear, in the mind of the most valiant king of Israel, who witnessed the giants in reality.The scriptures in its proverbial books calls the fearless naive' to the surroundings.
Thus the torment of scare hit me hard after a sinful incident. I was ravished explicitly and victimized by the Spirit of fear.It is a fatal tool the enemy uses to revolt against your self. Your brains hints its illusion, but still your mind believes the unreal.Your psycho somaticly driven by fear to respond negatively to normal biological physiology. Health deterioriates, face reflects trembling as facial cues,happy hues vanish, seeking desperately ways to dissipiate the inner foe, it is a virtual struggle. I fought hard to overcome, i cried deep within for help in vain. I cared not to eat, weaned to adorn,literal untold sadness overflowed every moment, as my mind drifted and sought even a bit of happiness. Solitude and fear sans revealing my instinct to others, went i for a year and a half.Denied i to disclose to any as sin was the mother of panic,I suffered.
Then, dread nailed me down to manic incidents without solutions.In fright , in sin, in pain, left with chills, I beckoned over to my only panacea.Nobody else than my Saviour, who paid it all on the cross, debts for both my sin and fear, my fall and tear. He washed me again with his spotless blood, turned me guiltless as new. The spirit of fear knew me no more as its victim, but as a knight who can rip off... its roots. He brought my mind to yeild to my brain and His word strengthened my wounded inner man. Finally , the trapped me found freedom from fears' killer game. Now Iam free and have learnt the essence when King David says," In the day i fear, I will trust HIM"

A rock solid, hope

My hope is built on nothing else,but Jesus my saviour, an old school hymn that patches up shaky faith- flashes in my thought as I pen down this.Its time for burial,the grave is dug,the wreath is placed,the coffin is closed and even the psalm is read,despite all Jesus says, all after 3 whole dead days " come alive you lazarus".My family is wrecked,scorned by all nail and flesh,the text at its appendix and the service at its benediction,but my faith in my resurrecting saviour says,"there is hope in christ".I have done blunders,sin so abominal but the blood of christ assures me just one warning call,"hey return back".My heavenly father can't behold my filth,but his beckoning cry is heard from deep ,saying my lil' one," i died for you".I can't resist those loving words, i can't breathe void him.Jesus- iam scared ,shame and fear stand as tidal waves roaring up high, they distrupt my courage.My yeild up to mundane mirth have grown massive to trample my confidence,iam insecure,trembling and broken.Wont your helping hand reach me ,pamper my delusions and sail me to desired havens of your choice?. I fail,I fail and again fail but my hope in christ whispers don't give up,there is hope just stand steadfast,you'll succeed thru' your hope in christ.

"A LETTER TO GOD"

Its hazy, complex and frightful to even replicate my thoughts in words.A novice blend of haphazard reality and fantasy ransacks every nook of my head.Where am I heading,where is the life of mine leading me to.I've had my share of pain, shame and tears played my gamble as a princess on the throne .Nostalgia sweeps my blood red scar tissue, to all the infamy my young heart has faced,when my heart felt within as 1000 kgs heavy, crashing me down dead.Only the thought of you made me recover the trumatic-blast.You knew i'd err, you knew how i treasured my family,how insatietably i craved the best for us,wanting the best for my baby it may be abominal in your sight,but am i not your child.Did'nt the thought,i would be lost without my family even arise from the corner of your mind,you never attempted even a bit to save my family.I've done things you've detested,but as soon as the thought it would hurt you sprouted out,i've given it all up.I love you so much and have also understood the limits of our sacrifice to save my soul,but i give up to flesh and mundane pleasures at times.The reprimand that you have granted me is beyond my ability to cope.I've cried to you, to succumb me from me from this prevalent misery over years now,but no remedy has propped from your behalf.Though certainly i've reaped sucess in many other ventures in this span relatively,but concerning this one issue my pangs choke me bitterly.I dont know your plan in this matter,neither see any future of mine lurked behind the scenes,Its your hands that i look upon in this travailing situation.My only hope from where my help comes is you,aid me deliverance ,happiness and guidance at this state,coz i trust you and do things what you want.Please abide by me till end.

My lil' hero*

He is an ocean of energy,a bountiful mischief package,brimming with naughty acts ,oh! round the clock and always.Never low,not a minute without a twinkle in his eyes,constantly pondering what to do next.Those little chubby shiny cheeks,sparkling eyes and those tiny jabbering lips makes me fall in love with him over and over again.Quick to imbibe anything,repeat all the thrash uttered with a whimsy look turns me bonkers on him all the more.Those miniscule crease filled palms, which caresses me speaking those longed words, i love you forces out the momhood in me.A gush of affection overflows when,i see the most of my lost one in him.He runs mad to kiss me on my craving lips ,when I bid goodbye to work everyday.Enjoys the maddening fun, out with my friend like a peer,a doll who's suffering from surplus vigour.Cares to eye, every changed earring of mine and the dynamic shift in my boyish mane.Hates being forced to eat,drawn to food by its garnish,ignorant of its taste.The coolest friend and a liveliest creature alive.The most adorable selflish soul, detesting to share or being asked to share.Loves people around and loveable to turn people around. My greatest assert,power,pleasure and pain.My memory sails back into time when this angel made an advent into my life,the day i flew to the pinnacle of happiness,having this lil' soul my own.Not a dose of traquiliser could dwandle my mind to sleep,coz' my spirits leaped within, with a fountain of warmth; of you having safely landed.The day i held those fragile toes and kissed them with content, while we were a family then.Night after night, i dream of you blooming up as a man of substance, dignity, resource and charisma.You'd grow my liliput,grow strong in mind, unravelled by winds of change ,the heartless have brought in our lives and i'll be there ,always there for you as a best friend, sister .mom and dad.Void none betwixt us ,be it only god i'll spare.You have me and we have the Omnipotent, Love you always and ever my darling ,my world! ;Your the reason, iam alive today!

MY MAKER ,MY OWN

'Tis a sensational feel of being known well by one and chided when gone, just a step away from the tender eyes which keeps watch; all day long. I've not known of a greater affection than this, to be fond of someone, so unconditional despite my recurrent errs to detest me by my own. Right beside, in all my pains,tears,loneliness,confusions and laughter, he stands; though my travail seems so large to endure ;his closeness sparingly felt.My complexities,too blizzare to unwrap,uncomprehended by even myself,he took the care to understand,the mixtures which were hated by all.How absurd to be keen of someone given to change as me?,How unrealistic to lay his life expecting nothing in turn.I go movingly elegy,when the thought of his love captures my senses,but sooner or later ;yeild to the beckoning hues of carnal bliss, which rises spirits to levels.I've cherished it all,tasted the mirth behind them all,loved the aroma of its alluring high,but bottoms up ascertained one fact; its momentary,time-bound and fading.The minute it ends,the reality begins; wounds so sore choke up my breath,dwindling my courage to pursue.Oh my gosh! without him...can't go on ,iam faint within and oh how?.On the contrary with him the focus is him,no thrills; but assured no chills either.Life through ebb and rise remains calm, the only certainity in the uncertain world ,he loves you despite anything.He is there for you, be it nothing or everything, the mundane search can aid you, all you longed, but in serenity make you loose everything you possess.Hauling away from the maker positions me vulnerable to encounter the bitterness of reality alone,since today's reality holds nothing but adversity and bitterness to truth.Life amidst loss and gain ,sun and rain is faced by all but, life to have someone your own in all your pain; is only with your maker!